How to stop a speeding bus while changing your life

If you see a bus coming speeding down the road at you, you won’t stop it by standing in front of it and yelling “stop!”

It’ll run you over.

You have only three options:
Try to match speed and direction with the bus then deal with it from there.
Wait until it stops by itself.
Ignore it completely.

All of the options involve accepting the bus is moving far too fast for you to deal with from your present position.

This applies in so many areas of life, such as:
Someone you care about is caught up in something unhealthy (not necessarily taking drugs, things as simple as working too hard and not realising)
Making changes in your own life.

Like the speeding bus you have to accept that things are the way they are right now before you can deal with them.

You cannot expect the bus speed to suddenly drop to your level just because you command it to.
You cannot expect your friend to slow down because you point out it’s unhealthy.
You cannot expect yourself to give up smoking/lose weight/get up earlier/work more consistently just because you decide you’re going to.

You need to start at the level the problem is at and work down from there.

Aside: Although when you see the problem from the new perspective you might think it’s not a problem at all. Maybe your friend isn’t working too hard.

Otherwise you wait for the problem to sort itself out in it’s own time (sometimes all you can do, especially when dealing with other people).

Otherwise you ignore it.

But the first step is to accept that things are they way they are right now. They can change, but you can’t ignore their current state.

Life is so much easier when we drop our attachment to the way we think things should be. That doesn’t means they can’t change. It just means you’re not attached to the change.

Damn Fine Cure for a Headache!

I was away for a few days recently abroad and on the day I arrived I’d been up since five in the morning and had a slight headache all day. 

I think it was partially from being up early, partially from being dehydrated, partially form I don’t know what else.

Anyway that night me and my girlfriend arrived back at the hotel and went to bed around 9ish. 

I couldn’t get to sleep at all because of the slight discomfort of the headache. It wasn’t that it was painful more so very uncomfortable, and distracting. I couldn’t relax or drift to sleep at all.

As time went on it got worse and worse. I had no medication or anything with me. I suspected it could be partially from dehydration so I drank water but that didn’t help at all.

It was like all along inside my head, just under my skull was this throbbing pain.  It was horribly uncomfortable and getting worse all the time.

I had this idea that maybe there was swelling or something associated with a headache so maybe cold water would help. I wet a towel with cold water and it only got worse. So then I decided to try hot water.

I ran the hot tap until it got good and hot and drenched the middle of the towel. I squeezed it out a little, then went back to bed and draped the towel across the top of my head.

It was amazing.

It was wonderful.

It was one of the greatest moments of my life.

It’ll always be one of my fondest memories.

Instant relief.

I felt almost like the inside of my head was being massaged or something.

Within minutes the towel was cold again. I wondered was that because of heat going into my head or does a hot towel get cold so fast anyway…forgive the amateur scientist…

I went back and did the procedure again and it was so so wonderful. 

I cannot recommend it highly enough. 

Better than any cure I’ve ever tried, and I’m sure it’s a 100% natural remedy!

I did this for hours while listening to my audio book and hoping the water wouldn’t get into my earphones. 

Eventually I was nice and relaxed, head feeling much much better and I was able to lie down and drift off to a nice sleep. 

Even the next day I felt so much better. 

It’s something I’ll try again, even just for relaxation, it worked so well.

I had intended to take a picture of my special towel but I forgot.

So there you go, try it! I’m not mad, not entirely anyway!

Reacting to worry

I worry a lot.

I am calm a lot.

I think I picked it up from my father who is a champion worrier. He worries so much that he rarely sleeps. I remember being young and feeling sorry for him, also being terrified of being that way, and vowing never to be that way.

When I sense worry or stress approching I deflect. It has become such a habit for me now that I do it automatically, without even realising I’m doing it.

In other words, I find distractions. I watch television, I play video games, I read web pages, I respond immediately when anyone has a problem. All of these things are to distract me from the things I really don’t want to face or deal with myself. Eventually they weigh me down.

I think I started doing this as a child. I REacted. I decided I don’t want to worry. I want to avoid worry and I did everything in my power to do that, even though deep down I’m worrying all the time anyway and it tends to paralyse me in ways.

If I had been able to think about it PROactively as a child rather than REactively I would have decided instead to seek out the cause of the worry and eliminate it. I would have, in other words, ensured that I had no cause to worry.

That’s a very hard thing to change when you’ve been at it your whole life.

I think most people do it to some extent.

Do you?

You probably tell yourself you’re tired or whatever and you’ll just watch TV for a few minutes but that’s an ego lie. It’s just a way of deflecting.

It’s hard to change that. It’s hard even to admit the truth to yourself.

Don’t try to change it. Don’t use your willpower to force things to change. It takes extraordinary willpower to change lifelong habits and most of us don’t possess that willpower.

Relax and Redivert

Instead relax and redivert your energies. Allow your awareness to grow.

One way of doing this is to remove all distractions for one day per week. No TV, no games, no Alcohol, etc. Cut out everything that you use as a distraction spend time with your own awareness of reality. 

Let your real inner strength come through.

You’ll have to face your worries but you’ll also start to notice things. You’ll see things clearer. The way forward will become apparent to you. You’ll start to see what you want in life rather than what you want to avoid.

As the awareness grows your desires will grow stronger.

Then you won’t need willpower to make them happen.

The power will just come to you.

Then you can make your life what you want. 

There’s too much good stuff out there to miss in avoidance.

Most of all, enjoy it!

Shane.

What do you do when you’re pissed off.

Every day I try to learn and grow as a person.

I try to do the right things.

I try to be patient.

When things aren’t going my way “I say what can I learn from this?”, or “what did I do to cause this?”

But some days I’m just pissed off!

Like today!

I’m in bad form. I tell myself I should be getting work done, or I should be working on my projects I really want to get done, but I’m just pissed off. 

Often I can fight the bad form feeling. I can get over it and do what needs to be done. But when I feel like I do today I feel like I don’t deserve anything good to happen to me. I feel like I don’t deserve my life to get better. I live in more fear than ever of things going wrong or taking a step (fall) backwards in life.

Despite this I have to make sure I do two things:

• Eyes front. Keep focussed (even ever so gently) on my next step up in life. No matter how tiny that step is, it’s better than focussing on what’s behind me because if I do that I’ll fall
• Be aware of myself. I may not be able to bring myself to moving forward or getting better or being good to myself, but at the very minimum I can be aware of my thoughts and feelings and how things affect me, and hopefully learn from that. Maybe next time it’ll be easier to deal with or avoid the down time due to what I’ve learned. One way or the other I’ll learn something, and that’s always good

So I’m wallowing today…but I’ll use my wallowment for my betterment!!!

Look at my yin yang coffee

I’ve mentioned a few times in recent posts about the importance of balance and then today I get this coffee…
Synchronicity anyone?

How to move up a level in life – just a little bit!

I have found that a lot of the time in life you feel like you’re trying to get out of a hole. 

I mean, it’s not so much that you’re trying to make your life better but rather that you’re trying to avoid it getting worse, or maybe trying to escape from something you don’t like, for example, debt, depression over something that happened (like a breakup or grief or something), dealing with difficult people, and so on.

We all have our things in life that we’re trying to deal with, escape from. 

Sometimes you manage to climb up a little bit out of that hole. You’re slowly getting near the top, and bang you slip back down to the bottom again. Often this fall is so depressing that you want to lie there for a while and just give in and wallow in it.

It’s like you’ve finally gotten to take a step forward, or rather a step up. You’re on the next level up in life. Things are just a little bit better, but now you’re worst fear is falling back down again. You’re feeling precarious on this step. You aren’t sure of your footing. You’re teetering there afraid of falling down again, and unfortunately you do. Sometimes you gently slip back down to where you were without even realising what’s going. Sometimes you fall hard. I think the former is the more usual.

I think part of the problem here is this. You finally pick up the courage, the confidence, the physical and mental energy to make that step up, and as you do that, as you place your foot on the next step up you’re thinking 

“Shit I’m gonna fall, I’m gonna fall, I’m gonna fall. Please don’t let me fall back down there. I’ve finally just gotten up a little and I’m gonna fall again. Please don’t let me…”

All your energy is focussed on where you were. You’re not focussed on where you want to be – the next step up. Don’t worry about getting to the top. Don’t worry about falling down again. Just focus on the next step up.  When you’re driving you’re supposed to look where you want to go, not where you’re frightened to go. The same applies here. Focus on the next step. Even though youve only just gotten on to this step. Even though you’d like to solidify your presence here, ground your feet here. Even though you think you should be confident before moving on.

Life doesn’t work that way. 

Just keep on moving up. Even though it might take you a long time to make it to that next step, keep looking at it anyway. You are going to make it, because the only other option is falling back down. It’s far easier to lift something heavy than it is to hold it. 

Don’t try to hold your position on this step. It’s too difficult. Keep moving up. Slowly, steadily, small steps but you are doing it. You are moving up. Set fire to the step behind you so you know you can’t fall back there. It can’t be a cushion for you any longer. 

Step up, and love it. 

Feel fantastic because you are fantastic. Every step up you take is a massive achievement. You are moving onward and upward. You know where you’re going. 

Feel fantastic. Love it!

The best form of motivation!

Whatever the definition of motivation, whatever the reason behind it, generally what we mean by motivation is something that makes us get off our asses and get things done.

Those things might be achieving goals, getting work done, tidying the house, getting fit, and so on.

The main point here is, that it’s all about motivating yourself to take action. 

You can read all the self help books you want. You can do all the meditations you want. You can listen to all the pep talks you want…

but by far the most motivating thing of all is:

ACTION!

Balance is important in all things.

Motivation may inspire you to action but the thing is that action is what breeds your motivation.

So the next time you’re feeling bored, lethargic, lazy, whatever, and you know you’ve got to get things done, take action.

Even the smallest action breeds a small amount of motivation. 

Keep that action moving for a short period of time and you’re motivation will increase without you even realising it until eventually it seems to require no energy to power you, or no thoughts to drive you. 

It just happens.

I’ve started using the Wii for this purpose. When I’m in my office and I find myself just browsing the web or whatever and basically getting nothing done I go play Tennis or Boxing on the Wii until I feel alive again. 

It’s so much easier to face the work I want to do in my office then. I usually get a burst of work done and then if I need to I go back to the Wii again. 

I think definitely it needs to be a “burst” of energy. Those games get my heart rate going, they get me up and moving. You need something to do that to you. The fact that the games are fun and challenging helps for me too. Sometimes I’d go do something different that requires movement like tidying the kitchen or whatever but definitely it doesn’t have the same effect.

You want something that gets your heart rate going but doesn’t tire you out. If at all possibly it should be a challenge and involve achieving some sort of goal because then not only will your energy start flowing but also you’ll feel better about yourself because you’ve achieved a goal (or at least gotten closer to it).

I like the Wii because it’s getting me active and so is contributing to my fitness(One of my goals). I can do it anytime I want. It’s fun and challenging. As I get better my opponents do also. I have a goal to aim for.

So, to summarise:

• Take action to feel motivated.
• The action should. 
• Involve a burst of energy.
• Get your heart rate going.
• Not tire you out.
• be easy to just do without a lot of preparation (none if possible).
• and if possible.
  • be fun and challenging.
  • and achieve some small goal of yours.

What do you have in your life, or what can you find that’ll fit those criteria?

Have fun!

The God Delusion – An open letter to Richard Dawkins

Dear Mr. Dawkins,

Apologies if I should have said Dr. Dawkins, but the book is way over there and I don’t want to move.

I have been reading “The God Delusion” and it is excellent.

Brilliantly argued.

Your logic is flawless.

The rationality is unbreakable.

Every point is excellently made.

But all of it is irrelevant.

Trying to prove that God doesn’t exist with rational arguments is just as pointless as trying to prove that God does exist with rational arguments.

You are arguing against people who’s arguments are as pointless as your own.

This book is primarily an attack on Faith. I think Faith is a beautiful thing and those that have a true pure faith are for want of a better word blessed. 

I agree with your motives on many points. I completely agree with you when you attack people’s misuse of faith. I think that the misuse and misrepresentation of faith has been the cause of many terrible acts through history.

But that is not the main motivation behind your book.

As I said it is primarily an attack on Faith.

The thing is you can’t attack faith with logic or rational arguments. 

There is no logic to faith. It just is. (I know people try to argue rationally in favor of, and against faith but really you can use logic to prove just about anything you want).

There is nothing wrong with faith. There can be problems with actions taken in the name of faith but that doesn’t make faith wrong.

The interesting thing about your book is that the most prominent illumination in it is the strength of your own faith. 

Your faith that there is no God!

It’s still faith.

Let’s all have a little more magic in our lives!

Are you trustworthy? – The two components of trust

Are you trustworthy?

Can I trust you?

In friendships and relationships a lot is spoken about the concept and importance of trust. And it is important, we all know that.

We all want to know our friends or partners can be trusted. 

A person who is trustworthy tends to be highly valued. I think all of us would like to be, or think of ourselves as trustworthy.

There is however another component to trust that is often downplayed or ignored.

All things need balance in the universe.

Being trustworthy is very difficult without some trust.

That is, I can be trustworthy if you trust me, and the more you trust me the easier it is for me to be trustworthy. (This of course assumes that I want to be trustworthy and I’m not setting out to deliberately fool you)

Think about it:

If you trust me then you are essentially making an emotional investment in me.

I repay that (or balance that) by being trustworthy to you.

If you trust me and I betray that trust then I am hurting both of us. 

I hurt you, by betraying your trust; and myself because I will feel guilty for betraying you after the trust you have put in me. 

If you expect me to be trustworthy without you putting your trust in me then it is difficult for me. There is no balance. I will try to be trustworthy because I want to be but it is more difficult for me because I know that you don’t trust me. I know that you are not investing in me but still I have to pay you back anyway.

By trusting me you are taking a risk on me.

By being trustworthy I am making the effort for you.

By both of us doing that there is balance and we both gain interest on our investments. Next time it is easier and trust is stronger.

Next time you want someone to be trustworthy remember that they need something from you too…trust

Just for today, accept everything that happens

That old guy driving in front of you…don’t get yourself all het up and annoyed, no matter how late you are. 

Just say to yourself – I accept this reality completely.

Your toast falls butter side on the floor. Don’t get annoyed, no matter how hungry you are.

Just say to yourself – I accept this reality completely.

You walk into a door in public (because you’re rushing?) 

Just say to yourself – I accept this reality completely.

A lot of our day to day stress comes from us refusing to accept situations. Acceptance means letting go. These things annoy you and stress you out because they’re not the way they’re meant to be (in your mind). So you’re trying to force them to be the way you envision them. This doesn’t happen, and you are stressed, and then more stressed, and then more stressed.

Decide that just for today you’re going to accept everything…

…and enjoy one lovely calm stress free day!