Every day I try to learn and grow as a person.
I try to do the right things.
I try to be patient.
When things aren’t going my way “I say what can I learn from this?”, or “what did I do to cause this?”
But some days I’m just pissed off!
Like today!
I’m in bad form. I tell myself I should be getting work done, or I should be working on my projects I really want to get done, but I’m just pissed off.
Often I can fight the bad form feeling. I can get over it and do what needs to be done. But when I feel like I do today I feel like I don’t deserve anything good to happen to me. I feel like I don’t deserve my life to get better. I live in more fear than ever of things going wrong or taking a step (fall) backwards in life.
Despite this I have to make sure I do two things:
- Eyes front. Keep focussed (even ever so gently) on my next step up in life. No matter how tiny that step is, it’s better than focussing on what’s behind me because if I do that I’ll fall
- Be aware of myself. I may not be able to bring myself to moving forward or getting better or being good to myself, but at the very minimum I can be aware of my thoughts and feelings and how things affect me, and hopefully learn from that. Maybe next time it’ll be easier to deal with or avoid the down time due to what I’ve learned. One way or the other I’ll learn something, and that’s always good
So I’m wallowing today…but I’ll use my wallowment for my betterment!!!
Tags: awareness, feeling down
