Reacting to worry

I worry a lot.

I am calm a lot.

I think I picked it up from my father who is a champion worrier. He worries so much that he rarely sleeps. I remember being young and feeling sorry for him, also being terrified of being that way, and vowing never to be that way.

When I sense worry or stress approching I deflect. It has become such a habit for me now that I do it automatically, without even realising I’m doing it.

In other words, I find distractions. I watch television, I play video games, I read web pages, I respond immediately when anyone has a problem. All of these things are to distract me from the things I really don’t want to face or deal with myself. Eventually they weigh me down.

I think I started doing this as a child. I REacted. I decided I don’t want to worry. I want to avoid worry and I did everything in my power to do that, even though deep down I’m worrying all the time anyway and it tends to paralyse me in ways.

If I had been able to think about it PROactively as a child rather than REactively I would have decided instead to seek out the cause of the worry and eliminate it. I would have, in other words, ensured that I had no cause to worry.

That’s a very hard thing to change when you’ve been at it your whole life.

I think most people do it to some extent.

Do you?

You probably tell yourself you’re tired or whatever and you’ll just watch TV for a few minutes but that’s an ego lie. It’s just a way of deflecting.

It’s hard to change that. It’s hard even to admit the truth to yourself.

Don’t try to change it. Don’t use your willpower to force things to change. It takes extraordinary willpower to change lifelong habits and most of us don’t possess that willpower.

Relax and Redivert

Instead relax and redivert your energies. Allow your awareness to grow.

One way of doing this is to remove all distractions for one day per week. No TV, no games, no Alcohol, etc. Cut out everything that you use as a distraction spend time with your own awareness of reality. 

Let your real inner strength come through.

You’ll have to face your worries but you’ll also start to notice things. You’ll see things clearer. The way forward will become apparent to you. You’ll start to see what you want in life rather than what you want to avoid.

As the awareness grows your desires will grow stronger.

Then you won’t need willpower to make them happen.

The power will just come to you.

Then you can make your life what you want. 

There’s too much good stuff out there to miss in avoidance.

Most of all, enjoy it!

Shane.

What do you do when you’re pissed off.

Every day I try to learn and grow as a person.

I try to do the right things.

I try to be patient.

When things aren’t going my way “I say what can I learn from this?”, or “what did I do to cause this?”

But some days I’m just pissed off!

Like today!

I’m in bad form. I tell myself I should be getting work done, or I should be working on my projects I really want to get done, but I’m just pissed off. 

Often I can fight the bad form feeling. I can get over it and do what needs to be done. But when I feel like I do today I feel like I don’t deserve anything good to happen to me. I feel like I don’t deserve my life to get better. I live in more fear than ever of things going wrong or taking a step (fall) backwards in life.

Despite this I have to make sure I do two things:

• Eyes front. Keep focussed (even ever so gently) on my next step up in life. No matter how tiny that step is, it’s better than focussing on what’s behind me because if I do that I’ll fall
• Be aware of myself. I may not be able to bring myself to moving forward or getting better or being good to myself, but at the very minimum I can be aware of my thoughts and feelings and how things affect me, and hopefully learn from that. Maybe next time it’ll be easier to deal with or avoid the down time due to what I’ve learned. One way or the other I’ll learn something, and that’s always good

So I’m wallowing today…but I’ll use my wallowment for my betterment!!!

How to move up a level in life – just a little bit!

I have found that a lot of the time in life you feel like you’re trying to get out of a hole. 

I mean, it’s not so much that you’re trying to make your life better but rather that you’re trying to avoid it getting worse, or maybe trying to escape from something you don’t like, for example, debt, depression over something that happened (like a breakup or grief or something), dealing with difficult people, and so on.

We all have our things in life that we’re trying to deal with, escape from. 

Sometimes you manage to climb up a little bit out of that hole. You’re slowly getting near the top, and bang you slip back down to the bottom again. Often this fall is so depressing that you want to lie there for a while and just give in and wallow in it.

It’s like you’ve finally gotten to take a step forward, or rather a step up. You’re on the next level up in life. Things are just a little bit better, but now you’re worst fear is falling back down again. You’re feeling precarious on this step. You aren’t sure of your footing. You’re teetering there afraid of falling down again, and unfortunately you do. Sometimes you gently slip back down to where you were without even realising what’s going. Sometimes you fall hard. I think the former is the more usual.

I think part of the problem here is this. You finally pick up the courage, the confidence, the physical and mental energy to make that step up, and as you do that, as you place your foot on the next step up you’re thinking 

“Shit I’m gonna fall, I’m gonna fall, I’m gonna fall. Please don’t let me fall back down there. I’ve finally just gotten up a little and I’m gonna fall again. Please don’t let me…”

All your energy is focussed on where you were. You’re not focussed on where you want to be – the next step up. Don’t worry about getting to the top. Don’t worry about falling down again. Just focus on the next step up.  When you’re driving you’re supposed to look where you want to go, not where you’re frightened to go. The same applies here. Focus on the next step. Even though youve only just gotten on to this step. Even though you’d like to solidify your presence here, ground your feet here. Even though you think you should be confident before moving on.

Life doesn’t work that way. 

Just keep on moving up. Even though it might take you a long time to make it to that next step, keep looking at it anyway. You are going to make it, because the only other option is falling back down. It’s far easier to lift something heavy than it is to hold it. 

Don’t try to hold your position on this step. It’s too difficult. Keep moving up. Slowly, steadily, small steps but you are doing it. You are moving up. Set fire to the step behind you so you know you can’t fall back there. It can’t be a cushion for you any longer. 

Step up, and love it. 

Feel fantastic because you are fantastic. Every step up you take is a massive achievement. You are moving onward and upward. You know where you’re going. 

Feel fantastic. Love it!

You are monumentally greater than you can ever imagine

This world is beautiful, I have no doubt of that.

All you have to do is look at it to see it.

It is beautiful everywhere.

Yet we fear to look at, and see it.

We fear to see the beauty in nature.

We fear to see the beauty in other people.

We fear to see the beauty in ourselves.

Do you know that you are monumentally far greater than you could ever imagine?

I’m not saying that in a feel good you’re so special kinda way.

I mean it.

It’s a fact.

Consider all the good that’s in every person in the world, in every person that ever lived,

I know we can see badness in people and at times its hard to see anything else,

But seriously you know there’s good in the world,

You know there’s good people,

And you have to admit there’s good (even a small amount) in what you might perceive to be the worst of people,

Now imagine if you gathered up all that good, all that beauty and could put it in one place, in one container,

It’s all in you.

You contain all that good.

I don’t mean that potentially you could be that good. You just are that good.

Consider a car that can go at 250 miles per hour, but the owner only drives it at 60 miles per hour. You don’t say the car can only go at 60 miles per hour. It’s a 250 mile per hour car no matter what.

So matter what you do. You are that good and even better. You are far better than you can imagine.

You are everything you see.

you are this entire universe.

You are God.

So stop hiding away in this little word referred to as the perpendicular pronoun in “Yes, Minister”,

Stop believing you are just “I”.

You are everything.

I don’t mean you are part of everything.

I don’t mean you are connected to everything.

I really mean you are everything.

Don’t try to understand this, It can’t be understood with a rational mind.

It can only be known.

Just know it.

Just be.

That body you’re driving around is just a shell.

Next time you consider your body don’t say “My body”, refer to it as “This body which I use” (It’s a very liberating thought).

Use the word “I” as little as possible

The word “I” tries to squeeze you down, make you small. Imagine trying to compress your entire essence into “I”. Try not to use language to know who you are, I wish I didn’t have to use language to write this.

You are so much more than “I”.

Don’t be the little mouse scurrying back into it’s hole,

Fly out and up into the light.

Be.

I didn’t want to use the word “you” so much in this blog, but due to my limitations with the language I knew of no other way to say it. (I didn’t want to use the word “I” either but there you go…)

Look out at the beauty of nature and know that it is you.

Don’t just think “This is me”.

Thoughts are too limiting.

Feel it.

Know it.

This body which you use is just a tool.

Thoughts are just tools.

Use them. Don’t be them.

You’re conscious mind cannot possibly conceive the amount of goodness and beauty which is you. Just know that it is. (You’re conscious mind is probably trying to refute this right now, tell it to shut up for a while).

Try to fathom the vastness of the universe…You’re goodness is immeasurably greater than that.

Consider it.

Know it.

Feel the lump in your throat.

Feel the warmth in your chest.

Feel the light in your heart.

Your conscious mind and ego tell you of all your “Must Do’s”, “Should Do’s”, and “Could Do’s”.

If you could just know your true nature you’d never entertain that for even a second.

You may have seen the movie “The matrix”. There’s a scene that goes something like this:

NEO: “You mean I’ll be able to dogdge bullets?”

MORPHEUS: “No, I mean when you’re ready you won’t have to…”

What Morpheus means is that when Neo’s aware of his true nature bullets won’t be able to harm him (It’s deeper than that but it serves for here).

What that example means to us is that if we’re aware of our true nature the “Must Do’s”, “Should Do’s”, “Could Do’s”, etc won’t be able to affect us,

For example, (and perhaps most importantedly) We won’t feel the need for money.

Look at a bird soaring…It never thinks, it just does. It doesn’t need to plan, it just is.

Look at a beautiful tree reaching for the stars…It’s so beautiful and it does that without the least effort. Just naturally.

Look at you and me out there trying to make enough to survive…Is that natural? Is that our natural state of being…I don’t believe that it is.

Everything that exists is you…If I ask you to appreciate that, what will you say? “When you have time!”

What I’m asking you to do is the hardest thing in the world and the easiest thing in the world.

• Easy because you already know all this. It’s your true nature to know.

“It’s like a splinter in your mind” (Matrix again).

• Hard because you feel so attached to everything else, to the “I”, that you don’t want to, don’t know how to, can’t remember how to look at who you really are…

Know your true nature.

Go to nature.

Nature knows.

Go to nature and you will know better.

Turn away from what you feel you should know, and turn toward what you know in the deepest recesses of your being to be true.

The greatest challenge to all of use here is to remember who we are.

Know your true nature.

You are more good than your conscious mind can ever fathom.

Just be.

Why you shouldn’t give up smoking!

Ok, most people agree that smoking is bad for you. A lot of people think that smoking is bad for the people around you.

A lot of smokers would like to give up for these reasons.

Then, there are some smokers who just don’t care one way or the other and just like to smoke anyway.

And there are smokers who convince themselves there’s nothing wrong with smoking even though they believe deep down that there is.

And there are smokers that believe there’s nothing wrong with smoking at all (or do all of these fall into the last category???)

For the record, I don’t smoke.

I have friends who smoke. I’ve went out with girls who smoked. Most of these tried to give up at some point or another. They usually did give up for a while, but then went back. Anyway…

I’m not really here to talk about smoking at all, I’m more interested in the whole concept of giving things up.

I think that you shouldn’t give things up…or possibly even that you can’t give up, unless you have tremendous willpower of course!

Now before I start I want to make it clear I’m not talking about serious drug addictions here.

I’m talking about habits, or little comforts in life (drinking, smoking, watching too much tv, coffee, etc…) that maybe you think you do too much of, and you would like to give up.

Everybody knows somebody who’s trying to give something up. And, we all know how it ends up for most people.

I myself had a particular thing (I’d rather not name it) that was a sort of a comfort zone for me. I tried several times in my life to give it up and was consistently drawn back to it. I consulted friends, and read about it and all my conclusions led me to believe that for one reason or another I needed it. I think a lot of us feel like that about something (especially drink, or cigarettes in my experience).

I think this is true.

You do actually need your vice. (I’m not sure if vice is the right word here because I don’t think that all “bad” habits are necessarily bad, but your life would be better without it, or at least with less of it)

But you do need it.

Why?

Ok, Let’s say you smoke…

Smoking gives you something. it does something for you. Does it relax you? Does it make you feel better? Does it make social situations easier? The trick is that it does something for you. It provides some positive support for you in your life.

There are two problems here.

1. A lot of these “habits” are at the very least unhealthy.

2. As long as you use your “habit” as a crutch, as long as you run back and hide in it when you need this particular support, you are not developing as a person. You don’t have to.

Say for example, you smoke for stress relief. Obviously, there is something in how you think, or lead your life that is causing you stress. Smoking provides you with comfort. As long as you smoke to deal with your stress then you will always have stress to deal with because you are not learning how to change your life to deal with it. So, you need to smoke.

Forget about giving up smoking!

Don’t even think about it at all.

I do strongly suggest though that you look at smoking (or whatever “habit” you have that you feel maybe you overindulge in, or is bad for you) and ask yourself:

• What is it giving to you?
• What positive things does it bring to your life?
• Why do you keep doing it?
• Why do you need it?
• What do you get from it?

Make a list. Write those questions at the top of a page and list every answer you can possibly think of. The list should be long. I had about a hundred entries in mine. You’ll be surprised what you come up with!

Keep going for as exhaustive a list as you can think of. Try to do it all in one sitting, but come back to it with a fresh mind if you need to.

Next, re-examine your list and yourself, where else in life can I get all these things? What can I do to have all these things in my life? Again make a list of answers and ideas, as many as you can come up with.

The answers should be things that excite you, things you would love to do or be (I expect that a lot of them are things you always wanted to do but never got around to doing).

Now, go and do those things!

Develop new habits!

But while you are developing these habits you shouldn’t smoke.

When you feel like smoking, say “Why do I need to smoke now, What can I do to satisfy my need?”

Then do that.

You see, if you smoke now then you won’t need to do the new more positive thing.

So what you’re doing is replacing smoking with something more positive.

If after you’ve developed all these new habits and you’re life is now more exciting and you’ve grown in yourself and you still feel like a smoke now and again, then do! But try and be more healthy about it.

If you feel sad, or you miss smoking, or you feel sad about giving it up, remind yourself that you’re not actually giving it up.

“I’m not giving up anything, I’m just doing wonderful exciting new things with my life, and I just won’t smoke while I’m developing these new habits and ideas, but if after all this I still feel like a smoke, then I will!”

By the way, When I’ve talked about smoking what I’m really talking about any such habit. I know that in relation to smoking and most of these things there is a chemical, and psycological craving, but my plan still holds true. Find something else more positive and healthier to fill the gap. The new habits should greatly increase the quality of your life. Even, trying to come up with new habits and ideas alone should increase your life quality!

If you’re having difficulty ask a friend or loved one to help you. I’m sure loads of people would love to support you. Think of it as a project, but the best project you’ll ever do. The project is you!

A better happier you!

Enjoy it all!