Reacting to worry

I worry a lot.

I am calm a lot.

I think I picked it up from my father who is a champion worrier. He worries so much that he rarely sleeps. I remember being young and feeling sorry for him, also being terrified of being that way, and vowing never to be that way.

When I sense worry or stress approching I deflect. It has become such a habit for me now that I do it automatically, without even realising I’m doing it.

In other words, I find distractions. I watch television, I play video games, I read web pages, I respond immediately when anyone has a problem. All of these things are to distract me from the things I really don’t want to face or deal with myself. Eventually they weigh me down.

I think I started doing this as a child. I REacted. I decided I don’t want to worry. I want to avoid worry and I did everything in my power to do that, even though deep down I’m worrying all the time anyway and it tends to paralyse me in ways.

If I had been able to think about it PROactively as a child rather than REactively I would have decided instead to seek out the cause of the worry and eliminate it. I would have, in other words, ensured that I had no cause to worry.

That’s a very hard thing to change when you’ve been at it your whole life.

I think most people do it to some extent.

Do you?

You probably tell yourself you’re tired or whatever and you’ll just watch TV for a few minutes but that’s an ego lie. It’s just a way of deflecting.

It’s hard to change that. It’s hard even to admit the truth to yourself.

Don’t try to change it. Don’t use your willpower to force things to change. It takes extraordinary willpower to change lifelong habits and most of us don’t possess that willpower.

Relax and Redivert

Instead relax and redivert your energies. Allow your awareness to grow.

One way of doing this is to remove all distractions for one day per week. No TV, no games, no Alcohol, etc. Cut out everything that you use as a distraction spend time with your own awareness of reality. 

Let your real inner strength come through.

You’ll have to face your worries but you’ll also start to notice things. You’ll see things clearer. The way forward will become apparent to you. You’ll start to see what you want in life rather than what you want to avoid.

As the awareness grows your desires will grow stronger.

Then you won’t need willpower to make them happen.

The power will just come to you.

Then you can make your life what you want. 

There’s too much good stuff out there to miss in avoidance.

Most of all, enjoy it!

Shane.

The best form of motivation!

Whatever the definition of motivation, whatever the reason behind it, generally what we mean by motivation is something that makes us get off our asses and get things done.

Those things might be achieving goals, getting work done, tidying the house, getting fit, and so on.

The main point here is, that it’s all about motivating yourself to take action. 

You can read all the self help books you want. You can do all the meditations you want. You can listen to all the pep talks you want…

but by far the most motivating thing of all is:

ACTION!

Balance is important in all things.

Motivation may inspire you to action but the thing is that action is what breeds your motivation.

So the next time you’re feeling bored, lethargic, lazy, whatever, and you know you’ve got to get things done, take action.

Even the smallest action breeds a small amount of motivation. 

Keep that action moving for a short period of time and you’re motivation will increase without you even realising it until eventually it seems to require no energy to power you, or no thoughts to drive you. 

It just happens.

I’ve started using the Wii for this purpose. When I’m in my office and I find myself just browsing the web or whatever and basically getting nothing done I go play Tennis or Boxing on the Wii until I feel alive again. 

It’s so much easier to face the work I want to do in my office then. I usually get a burst of work done and then if I need to I go back to the Wii again. 

I think definitely it needs to be a “burst” of energy. Those games get my heart rate going, they get me up and moving. You need something to do that to you. The fact that the games are fun and challenging helps for me too. Sometimes I’d go do something different that requires movement like tidying the kitchen or whatever but definitely it doesn’t have the same effect.

You want something that gets your heart rate going but doesn’t tire you out. If at all possibly it should be a challenge and involve achieving some sort of goal because then not only will your energy start flowing but also you’ll feel better about yourself because you’ve achieved a goal (or at least gotten closer to it).

I like the Wii because it’s getting me active and so is contributing to my fitness(One of my goals). I can do it anytime I want. It’s fun and challenging. As I get better my opponents do also. I have a goal to aim for.

So, to summarise:

• Take action to feel motivated.
• The action should. 
• Involve a burst of energy.
• Get your heart rate going.
• Not tire you out.
• be easy to just do without a lot of preparation (none if possible).
• and if possible.
  • be fun and challenging.
  • and achieve some small goal of yours.

What do you have in your life, or what can you find that’ll fit those criteria?

Have fun!

Why you shouldn’t give up smoking!

Ok, most people agree that smoking is bad for you. A lot of people think that smoking is bad for the people around you.

A lot of smokers would like to give up for these reasons.

Then, there are some smokers who just don’t care one way or the other and just like to smoke anyway.

And there are smokers who convince themselves there’s nothing wrong with smoking even though they believe deep down that there is.

And there are smokers that believe there’s nothing wrong with smoking at all (or do all of these fall into the last category???)

For the record, I don’t smoke.

I have friends who smoke. I’ve went out with girls who smoked. Most of these tried to give up at some point or another. They usually did give up for a while, but then went back. Anyway…

I’m not really here to talk about smoking at all, I’m more interested in the whole concept of giving things up.

I think that you shouldn’t give things up…or possibly even that you can’t give up, unless you have tremendous willpower of course!

Now before I start I want to make it clear I’m not talking about serious drug addictions here.

I’m talking about habits, or little comforts in life (drinking, smoking, watching too much tv, coffee, etc…) that maybe you think you do too much of, and you would like to give up.

Everybody knows somebody who’s trying to give something up. And, we all know how it ends up for most people.

I myself had a particular thing (I’d rather not name it) that was a sort of a comfort zone for me. I tried several times in my life to give it up and was consistently drawn back to it. I consulted friends, and read about it and all my conclusions led me to believe that for one reason or another I needed it. I think a lot of us feel like that about something (especially drink, or cigarettes in my experience).

I think this is true.

You do actually need your vice. (I’m not sure if vice is the right word here because I don’t think that all “bad” habits are necessarily bad, but your life would be better without it, or at least with less of it)

But you do need it.

Why?

Ok, Let’s say you smoke…

Smoking gives you something. it does something for you. Does it relax you? Does it make you feel better? Does it make social situations easier? The trick is that it does something for you. It provides some positive support for you in your life.

There are two problems here.

1. A lot of these “habits” are at the very least unhealthy.

2. As long as you use your “habit” as a crutch, as long as you run back and hide in it when you need this particular support, you are not developing as a person. You don’t have to.

Say for example, you smoke for stress relief. Obviously, there is something in how you think, or lead your life that is causing you stress. Smoking provides you with comfort. As long as you smoke to deal with your stress then you will always have stress to deal with because you are not learning how to change your life to deal with it. So, you need to smoke.

Forget about giving up smoking!

Don’t even think about it at all.

I do strongly suggest though that you look at smoking (or whatever “habit” you have that you feel maybe you overindulge in, or is bad for you) and ask yourself:

• What is it giving to you?
• What positive things does it bring to your life?
• Why do you keep doing it?
• Why do you need it?
• What do you get from it?

Make a list. Write those questions at the top of a page and list every answer you can possibly think of. The list should be long. I had about a hundred entries in mine. You’ll be surprised what you come up with!

Keep going for as exhaustive a list as you can think of. Try to do it all in one sitting, but come back to it with a fresh mind if you need to.

Next, re-examine your list and yourself, where else in life can I get all these things? What can I do to have all these things in my life? Again make a list of answers and ideas, as many as you can come up with.

The answers should be things that excite you, things you would love to do or be (I expect that a lot of them are things you always wanted to do but never got around to doing).

Now, go and do those things!

Develop new habits!

But while you are developing these habits you shouldn’t smoke.

When you feel like smoking, say “Why do I need to smoke now, What can I do to satisfy my need?”

Then do that.

You see, if you smoke now then you won’t need to do the new more positive thing.

So what you’re doing is replacing smoking with something more positive.

If after you’ve developed all these new habits and you’re life is now more exciting and you’ve grown in yourself and you still feel like a smoke now and again, then do! But try and be more healthy about it.

If you feel sad, or you miss smoking, or you feel sad about giving it up, remind yourself that you’re not actually giving it up.

“I’m not giving up anything, I’m just doing wonderful exciting new things with my life, and I just won’t smoke while I’m developing these new habits and ideas, but if after all this I still feel like a smoke, then I will!”

By the way, When I’ve talked about smoking what I’m really talking about any such habit. I know that in relation to smoking and most of these things there is a chemical, and psycological craving, but my plan still holds true. Find something else more positive and healthier to fill the gap. The new habits should greatly increase the quality of your life. Even, trying to come up with new habits and ideas alone should increase your life quality!

If you’re having difficulty ask a friend or loved one to help you. I’m sure loads of people would love to support you. Think of it as a project, but the best project you’ll ever do. The project is you!

A better happier you!

Enjoy it all!