Reacting to worry

I worry a lot.

I am calm a lot.

I think I picked it up from my father who is a champion worrier. He worries so much that he rarely sleeps. I remember being young and feeling sorry for him, also being terrified of being that way, and vowing never to be that way.

When I sense worry or stress approching I deflect. It has become such a habit for me now that I do it automatically, without even realising I’m doing it.

In other words, I find distractions. I watch television, I play video games, I read web pages, I respond immediately when anyone has a problem. All of these things are to distract me from the things I really don’t want to face or deal with myself. Eventually they weigh me down.

I think I started doing this as a child. I REacted. I decided I don’t want to worry. I want to avoid worry and I did everything in my power to do that, even though deep down I’m worrying all the time anyway and it tends to paralyse me in ways.

If I had been able to think about it PROactively as a child rather than REactively I would have decided instead to seek out the cause of the worry and eliminate it. I would have, in other words, ensured that I had no cause to worry.

That’s a very hard thing to change when you’ve been at it your whole life.

I think most people do it to some extent.

Do you?

You probably tell yourself you’re tired or whatever and you’ll just watch TV for a few minutes but that’s an ego lie. It’s just a way of deflecting.

It’s hard to change that. It’s hard even to admit the truth to yourself.

Don’t try to change it. Don’t use your willpower to force things to change. It takes extraordinary willpower to change lifelong habits and most of us don’t possess that willpower.

Relax and Redivert

Instead relax and redivert your energies. Allow your awareness to grow.

One way of doing this is to remove all distractions for one day per week. No TV, no games, no Alcohol, etc. Cut out everything that you use as a distraction spend time with your own awareness of reality. 

Let your real inner strength come through.

You’ll have to face your worries but you’ll also start to notice things. You’ll see things clearer. The way forward will become apparent to you. You’ll start to see what you want in life rather than what you want to avoid.

As the awareness grows your desires will grow stronger.

Then you won’t need willpower to make them happen.

The power will just come to you.

Then you can make your life what you want. 

There’s too much good stuff out there to miss in avoidance.

Most of all, enjoy it!

Shane.

How to move up a level in life – just a little bit!

I have found that a lot of the time in life you feel like you’re trying to get out of a hole. 

I mean, it’s not so much that you’re trying to make your life better but rather that you’re trying to avoid it getting worse, or maybe trying to escape from something you don’t like, for example, debt, depression over something that happened (like a breakup or grief or something), dealing with difficult people, and so on.

We all have our things in life that we’re trying to deal with, escape from. 

Sometimes you manage to climb up a little bit out of that hole. You’re slowly getting near the top, and bang you slip back down to the bottom again. Often this fall is so depressing that you want to lie there for a while and just give in and wallow in it.

It’s like you’ve finally gotten to take a step forward, or rather a step up. You’re on the next level up in life. Things are just a little bit better, but now you’re worst fear is falling back down again. You’re feeling precarious on this step. You aren’t sure of your footing. You’re teetering there afraid of falling down again, and unfortunately you do. Sometimes you gently slip back down to where you were without even realising what’s going. Sometimes you fall hard. I think the former is the more usual.

I think part of the problem here is this. You finally pick up the courage, the confidence, the physical and mental energy to make that step up, and as you do that, as you place your foot on the next step up you’re thinking 

“Shit I’m gonna fall, I’m gonna fall, I’m gonna fall. Please don’t let me fall back down there. I’ve finally just gotten up a little and I’m gonna fall again. Please don’t let me…”

All your energy is focussed on where you were. You’re not focussed on where you want to be – the next step up. Don’t worry about getting to the top. Don’t worry about falling down again. Just focus on the next step up.  When you’re driving you’re supposed to look where you want to go, not where you’re frightened to go. The same applies here. Focus on the next step. Even though youve only just gotten on to this step. Even though you’d like to solidify your presence here, ground your feet here. Even though you think you should be confident before moving on.

Life doesn’t work that way. 

Just keep on moving up. Even though it might take you a long time to make it to that next step, keep looking at it anyway. You are going to make it, because the only other option is falling back down. It’s far easier to lift something heavy than it is to hold it. 

Don’t try to hold your position on this step. It’s too difficult. Keep moving up. Slowly, steadily, small steps but you are doing it. You are moving up. Set fire to the step behind you so you know you can’t fall back there. It can’t be a cushion for you any longer. 

Step up, and love it. 

Feel fantastic because you are fantastic. Every step up you take is a massive achievement. You are moving onward and upward. You know where you’re going. 

Feel fantastic. Love it!

The best form of motivation!

Whatever the definition of motivation, whatever the reason behind it, generally what we mean by motivation is something that makes us get off our asses and get things done.

Those things might be achieving goals, getting work done, tidying the house, getting fit, and so on.

The main point here is, that it’s all about motivating yourself to take action. 

You can read all the self help books you want. You can do all the meditations you want. You can listen to all the pep talks you want…

but by far the most motivating thing of all is:

ACTION!

Balance is important in all things.

Motivation may inspire you to action but the thing is that action is what breeds your motivation.

So the next time you’re feeling bored, lethargic, lazy, whatever, and you know you’ve got to get things done, take action.

Even the smallest action breeds a small amount of motivation. 

Keep that action moving for a short period of time and you’re motivation will increase without you even realising it until eventually it seems to require no energy to power you, or no thoughts to drive you. 

It just happens.

I’ve started using the Wii for this purpose. When I’m in my office and I find myself just browsing the web or whatever and basically getting nothing done I go play Tennis or Boxing on the Wii until I feel alive again. 

It’s so much easier to face the work I want to do in my office then. I usually get a burst of work done and then if I need to I go back to the Wii again. 

I think definitely it needs to be a “burst” of energy. Those games get my heart rate going, they get me up and moving. You need something to do that to you. The fact that the games are fun and challenging helps for me too. Sometimes I’d go do something different that requires movement like tidying the kitchen or whatever but definitely it doesn’t have the same effect.

You want something that gets your heart rate going but doesn’t tire you out. If at all possibly it should be a challenge and involve achieving some sort of goal because then not only will your energy start flowing but also you’ll feel better about yourself because you’ve achieved a goal (or at least gotten closer to it).

I like the Wii because it’s getting me active and so is contributing to my fitness(One of my goals). I can do it anytime I want. It’s fun and challenging. As I get better my opponents do also. I have a goal to aim for.

So, to summarise:

• Take action to feel motivated.
• The action should. 
• Involve a burst of energy.
• Get your heart rate going.
• Not tire you out.
• be easy to just do without a lot of preparation (none if possible).
• and if possible.
  • be fun and challenging.
  • and achieve some small goal of yours.

What do you have in your life, or what can you find that’ll fit those criteria?

Have fun!